About Tonga > Rites of Passage > Tongan Wedding

Weddings are of enormous cultural significant in the Kingdom of Tonga. A traditional Tongan wedding is a family event. After the couple falls in love and decides to become married the family plans for the event.

A wedding ceremony in the Kingdom of Tonga lasts at least for 3 days. Through these 3-day ceremonies many traditional events are taken place.

A traditional Tongan wedding comprises a number of traditional steps.

Congratulations Kalaniuvalu (the King’s nephew) and Maasi.

1. Friendship (fai kaume’a)

This is the first step where a young man meets a girl and is interested in her. He will take a chance in asking her for friendship and if the girl accepts, a relationship is started.

2. Dating (‘a’a)

During this step, the young man will go to the girl’s house, ask her parents for permission to see the girl. If the parents agree, they will then talk inside the girl’s house (this is carried out throughout their relationship).

3. Asking permission to marry the girl (faitohi)

They have gotten to know each other well during the first two steps so they decided to get married. The young man will make a formal proposal to the girl’s father – if it is accepted then the two families will start preparing for the wedding.

4. Celebration before the wedding (fakalelea)

During a wedding the two families involved will celebrate on the night before the wedding day. The man’s family will take gifts such as ngatu (tapa), kie (fine mats), mats and food to the lady’s place to show that they are happy with the upcoming marriage. A kava party will be held as well as dancing and exchanging of goods between the two families.

5. The wedding day (ma’utohi)

On the day of the ceremony, the bride and groom “wear their wealth.” They are wrapped in their best ta’ovala, their bodies shine with precious oils and they wear flower necklaces.

The groom will come from his place to the bride’s house and take her to where the wedding is to take place – where they will make oath to love, respect and obey each other and to sign their marriage certificate (usually a Registrar will be present to witness the signing of the marriage certificate).

From there they will then attend a church ceremony to make covenant to God and to seal their marriage before God. (No marriage in the Kingdom of Tonga is legal until they are married in the government and the church).

Dancing and feasting will follow after the wedding ceremony. A kava ceremony will also be held to honor the bride and groom. The wedding day is the only time that a woman is honored at a kava ritual where she is allowed to sit in the place of honor.

6. The first Sunday (‘Uluaki Sapate)

On the first Sunday after their marriage, the couple will attend church and will again wear their best ta’ovala. Feasting will follow after the church where both families will celebrate for the last time.

Young people of today sometimes ignore these traditional ways and opt for a western wedding.